Loss

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Me and Dad

The death of my father was the death of the best part of me. I did not afford myself the proper opportunity to grieve for the person I adored most in the world. As a daughter and a mother, I had to pretend everything was fine. But it wasn’t fine and it is still not fine. The beauty of a great bond with someone like a parent is the love and admiration that marks a lifetime. The difficulty in that bond is, when it ends in the physical realm, it leaves a massive hole in one’s heart and one’s life. It sounds morbid and it is not meant to be, but I look forward to the day I can be reunited with my father in heaven, if I am lucky enough to be admitted to heaven. I am not rushing anything because I know I have more work left to do here and I have people counting on me.

Ironically, the person who has helped me the most since my father’s death is my father. We always had a special language and understanding and in death, just like in life, he has not let me down. He sends me messages all the time through songs and nature and sometimes, a comment from a stranger. It has sustained me. I cannot even imagine the things he has saved me from that I have no knowledge of. I can name the ones I do know of but I am not going to do that.

I have come to realize in the last few years that my Dad was the one pushing me to move forward and encouraging me to take chances. Without his nudging, I have become stagnant and afraid to make any changes. This is not good. It has become unhealthy. I have always been an independent thinker and I do not seek advice readily. But I always went to my father for his opinion on any topic. He was thoughtful, kind and wise. His opinion always mattered. And honestly, even if he thought it might be a landmine of an idea or move, he would shrug and say, “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” Simple but honest advice. Boy, do I miss that. I miss knowing that the one person who really understood me is not a call or drive away anymore. My message in the sand says it all….I was hoping the day I did that, he would look down from heaven and see it. The people on the beach at the time probably thought I was insane but Dad would say, “Mary, they don’t pay your bills, so it doesn’t matter what they think of you.” Such a wise gentleman!

Book review: The Wellness Score by J. Letorney

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The author, J. Letorney, is a friend of mine. I didn’t know he was a writer and when I saw he self-published a book, I was excited for him and inspired to get my own projects going. Truthfully, I don’t read much fiction but I had to buy this book to support a friend. What I got, was a whole lot more. It’s a great book; it is well-written and it has a plot that keeps you guessing. What is the noise? What is this character all about? There are reviews on Amazon using words like ‘addictive’, ‘creepy’ and ‘unsettling’ – all in a good way. One comment I agreed with the most was, “this book keeps you guessing.” Let’s face it – that is what sells books and keeps readers engaged and wanting more!

I believe fiction is more difficult to write than non-fiction so I am totally impressed. As I started reading, I was drawn into the plot easily. But, it’s also a thinking book. It’s kind of high-tech, so you have to follow along. The main character, Westwood, moves into a 55+ community without doing much research, which is out of character for her. So, it’s a cautionary tale, as well. How many times do we not follow our gut instinct and take a leap of faith? You won’t move again without doing your due diligence, once you read this book. I know it’s fiction but I have that conspiracy theorist in me, so I believe this could happen and I am sure other readers do also.

This is the type of book that you can read by the pool or on a rainy day and you can’t put it down. You can buy it HERE! It is sold exclusively on Amazon and I see a sequel in the works. Additionally, I loved the questions at the end for reading groups. It is a perfect book to discuss in a book club or in a class. I particularly liked the question about compliance. “What would your compliance score be?” My score would be zero for compliance and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I question everything and from every angle. One example was a bomb scare in the Boston building I was working at in the 90s. We were told to ‘shelter in place’. I made an executive decision. I grabbed my purse and bolted down the 8 flights of stairs. Later, I was reprimanded. If a bomb had exploded, I would be alive, so I was okay with being non-compliant. If you have a book group, get this book and discuss it. If you don’t, get it anyway. Time well spent! And when you are 55+ (or even younger), time matters! The clock is ticking, people. The clock is ticking! Let me know if you read this book and send me your thoughts. Until next time….

Say it to my face, please

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I don’t like gossip, internet trolls or people who are quick to talk about you behind your back. Who does, right? They would never have the courage to say the insult to your face but they can’t wait to share it with another.

Two times people have told me that I wear too much make-up (that I know of) but it was not to my fully made-up (apparently, clown-faced) face! It was information relayed by a third party. The go-between did not say it maliciously to me; just relaying what they perhaps considered benign information. Frankly, I think the people who said it originally would do well to wear some make-up. Beauty products are a huge industry for a reason.

Several times someone has said that someone else said they wouldn’t trust me around their husband? Why? Because I am single? I am single for a reason. I want to be. The response from the coy third party was, “Well, you are attractive and/or funny and/or smart.” Oh, really. Thank you for the compliment wrapped in an insult like a corndog. Newsflash: I don’t want your husband(s). Heck, you don’t even want him. Why would I?

Recently, a third party told me someone was mad at me. Again, not meant to be malicious but relaying information. This is a person who I am well aware is mad at me and it is mutual. I tell people to their face how I feel and they never hear from me again. Only a coward goes behind someone’s back or hides behind a keyboard and attacks another person. Say it to my face or cork it, zip it, button it, cool it, plug it, close it, clamp it, or put a sock in it with your big, fat foot that also belongs in your big, fat, malicious mouth! Anyone else have this happen to them? Let me know. Oh, and if any companies are looking for a “mature” woman (I use that word loosely) to promote their make-up line, I am always up for a paid sponsorship! Until next time, keep calm and keep it to yourself! xo

Say it to my day time make-up face. Or say it to my night out one!