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How do they do it?

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I was speaking with someone the other day who in the course of the conversation was telling me that he has been married for 14 years.  That may not be the exact number but I know it was over 10 years.  Truth be told, he may have been married 10 or 14 years but I was struggling through a 5 minute conversation with him.  Ten plus years of this incessant chatter.  Day in and day out of the complaints and minutia.  How do they do it?  Is there a particular club that people join when their chief interest in life is complaining and criticizing others?

This is not a club I want a membership in.  They wouldn’t include me anyway.  I can find a silver lining in almost any scenario.  It may be unrealistic but I would rather view life through humor and ‘rose colored glasses’ then spend my days evaluating how inept others can be.  Or how lousy the weather is.  Or what’s wrong with the PTO, the football coach, the government.  We all know these people.  Some are family members. Not mine, of course!  Some are coworkers.  There’s always one.  Some are people we have “small talk” with (and you know how I feel about small talk) and are glad to know our paths will not be crossing any time soon.  Insert martian wave here.

Later on, I popped into a restaurant that serves breakfast all day.  The woman ahead of me in line was rattling her order.  No hello.  No “How are you?”  Just “I will have an omelet. Egg whites only.  Onions. Peppers.  A touch of salt.”  And on and on she went.  Staccato.  No emotion.  All detail.  It was a $4.95 omelet and you would have thought she was ordering a steak at Morton’s.  I was wondering if she was going to request a complimentary back massage with the order.   The chef handled the whole situation with ease.  I don’t think he spoke once.  I know he didn’t roll his eyes.  I think I may have.  Did I roll my eyes?  Clearly, I am spending too much time with middle school children.  Then I thought, imagine if the person I spoke to this morning and the omelet lady are a couple and they are sitting down to dinner right now saying, “I met the most annoyingly optimistic person this morning.  She writes a blog….”   You never know, right?  Maybe that’s how they do it!

Awww

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I have mentioned a few times here how my middle schooler has all types of expressions but one that is currently taking the prize for most annoying is “Awww”.  It started out as her sarcastic reaction to anything I mentioned that deserved a slight bit of emotion.   So, for example, I could say, “I cannot believe I forget to turn in this form.”  She would get that sly look, raise her eyebrows and I would think, maybe, just maybe, there will be a new comment.  There would be a delay…..then, “Awww” would arrive.

Then it escalated.  “Awww” started to be the automatic response to any question or comment from me.  I could say, “You may need a new school folder.  Your folder looks worn out.”  She would wait.  I wouldn’t see it coming.  Then, “Awww.  My folder looks worn out.”  She would smile and I would cringe internally.  “Really? Is this a conversation?” I would ask, trying to conceal how angry I was becoming over something so silly.  She would see my dismay and then it was, “Awww”.   Again.  An “Awww” on top of an “Awww.”  I started to wonder if she was losing her ability to communicate.  What if some bizarre “Awww” martians visited her middle school and implanted “Awww” chips in her brain.  Every time she would use it, I would try to be clever.  Fight fire with fire.  I would say, “So did they serve a side of sarcasm with your school lunch today?”  Awww.   Nothing worked.  There seemed to be no cure.

“You are not using this with other people, are you?”  “Awww.  Yes, I am.”  “Who, your friends?  Nana and Grampy?”  “Sure, with everyone.”  Why haven’t my parents mentioned it?  Do they not notice it?  Do they think it is cute?  Then it happened to me.  Someone at work mentioned how overwhelmed they were and in my mind I heard, “Awww.”  I think I said, “Hmmmm” or “Oh, I know”.  I hope it sounded sympathetic.  But my brain kept shouting, “Awww.”  Louder and louder.  I wanted to say it.  Oh no, it’s contagious.  You may leave this blog post and instead of a genuine reaction, you may be compelled to utter a sarcastic “Awww.”  I certainly hope not.  Please let me know…….because……Awww.  That would be terrible!

My daughter and I when she was 5......Awww, miss those days! But loving every stage of her life!

My daughter and I when she was 5……Awww, miss those days! But loving every stage of her life!

 

 

Non-gratitude

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In the spirit of being totally different, I am creating a blog this week on things I am actually not grateful for.  I mean, why not?  Everyone else is doing gratitude lists and stating the obvious, so I am going to give you the things I could live without.  Take small talk, for example.  It’s November.  It’s New England.  How many people greet you with the expression, “Boy, it’s cold out, huh?”  “Yup, it’s cold.”  That is fascinating conversation.  Where do we go from here?  It’s like when people talk about the rain and one person adds, “But we need the rain.”  My daughter inserts the comment “Lame” as I read this aloud.  Evidently that refers to me.  Or the topic or who knows what?   The middle school quips of “Lame” “Boring!” “Duh” and “Whatever” are also things that, shall we say, are grating on my nerves a bit.

I can do without the tooth pain I have had for the past few weeks. I am really tired of cleaning the bathroom.  I don’t like cleaning any raw meat at all.  I almost get a gag reflux while doing so.  Weird, but true.  I am not kidding.  I am not grateful for spiders.  I know they have a role, blah, blah, blah.  But they are sneaky and creepy and I am the chief arachnid officer so I don’t really care for them.   It’s just one more bogus chore for me to deal with.   As you can see, I still like the word ‘bogus’ and I feel it still has merit.

I am not grateful for how many people suggest I get a crock pot.  I think I have made it fairly clear that cooking is not a passion of mine.  If I have an extra $80 bucks I would rather buy a shirt, tickets to a show, something fun.  I also dislike when people recite a recipe to me – whether spoken or written down.  I am only interested in sampling it.  Trust me.  I am not making new recipes or keeping a decorative recipe box by my stove.  I will tell you, I am eternally happy for my family, my friends, good food, good health, intelligence, a sense of humor, lavender fields, holiday Oreo cookies and oh, Pinterest.  Pinterest is my next topic, people.  Why didn’t anyone tell me about this before?   On a more serious note, we should reflect on the famous words of the late President John F. Kennedy, “As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.”  Have a happy and blessed Thanksgiving.  And eat two pieces of pie!  It is Thanksgiving!  You are supposed to overindulge!

 

Gobble. Gobble. Always grateful for my children's artwork.

Gobble. Gobble. Always grateful for my children’s artwork.